You know the feeling when you see someone dance or read a blog or see a recipe online and you feel this strong surge of energy that builds the conviction in you that you are definitely going to be able to do exactly that. Having said that, I just read a blog and now my mind has already painted images of me writing my own blog. And that is exactly what I am doing. Lol.

Anyways , I should really be getting on with my work and there is no reason for you to be reading this ( if anyone is reading it apart from myself and my alter ego that is ) . But I believe that if I do continue and do happen to share this I will be doing myself, my alter ego and my future self a big favor.  A little self-introduction before I start vomiting emotions: - I am a clueless 20 year old who is still getting her head around the fact that she has turned 20. I hate that Microsoft word is American English and not British English. I am not big on grammar (for all you grammar Nazis out there) and my spelling abilities have gradually deteriorated all thanks to Word documents. I love to dance and eat but, like many of us out there, have some body image issues.  I used to be all about making money, but now my priorities have changed but that’s the way life is: P.

Now let’s get to the crux of the matter. I love making bird noises so henceforth my alter ego will be called Raven. Raven is seriously emotional, volatile, delusional, dreamy, and recently, to my own horror, has started harboring romantic fantasies. Now, for me a delusional romantic has always been equivalent to the spawn of all things evil. I have always disassociated myself with all things with the word romance so much so that all my favorite movies and TV shows revolve around murder of some kind. And now to have Raven dominating a section of my thoughts with these emotions which I categorized in the waste department of my mind is seriously disconcerting.  I might sound like a person with multiple personality disorder ,but believe me when I say that I am a different person , ( namely raven), when I catch myself smiling to myself and when my conscious mind (Vesna ) , realizes what I am doing it annoys the shit out of me . So now readers, I ask you (and myself obviously because I am the only one reading this) , what am I to do with Raven ? How am I to deal with my own thoughts? Raven , the fearless romantic full of hope and opportunism  and Vesna the critical self bully who fears vulnerability represent a dichotomy within myself .  And this clash of energy is affecting my work and my mental peace. I write this to regain some of this peace and to understand both parts (and maybe more which are currently dormant) , so as to make some sense out of all these changes in me .

So, I send out a prayer to the Goddess of all girls struggling to accept the concept of liking someone for the first time, HELP ME!!!!